Five weeks or so ago, I went up to the mountain house for the first visit of Spring. A warm Winter and early Spring promised grass, and lots of it. So.... I, not wanting a repeat of last years mowing and "baling" fiasco, wanted an early start.
Aaah, one of the first "rites of Spring". I was actually excited about mowing grass. Geez!
While mowing behind the pond, I spotted a grouse at the edge of the pine woods. Not acting too afraid of me, I suspected "she" had a nest nearby and was attempting to ward me off.
Fast forward, three weeks ago, and, same thing occurred. Same location. Cool!
Oh.... sorry.... for those of you who don’t know what a grouse is. It is a bird. About half the size of a chicken, with a speckled brown plumage, a beautiful tail that can fan like a turkey and a peculiar collar of feathers that can "puff-up" when it’s excited. My previous experience with them had been limited to hunting with my father when I was a boy.
I was more than a bit excited to see grouse here, what, with coyotes, hunters and the disappearing habitat.
Fast forward, this past weekend. Again me, mowing, around the pond, but this time, nearer the front. A grouse, and it was agitated! It would come out from the growth at the waters edge and literally attack the mower, pecking at it’s tires. Why, I almost ran over the poor thing. Again, must be a momma with a nest. Then, around the backside, same as before. Another grouse, at the edge of the pine woods, not as aggressive as the other. Wow! Two grouse. Now, this is exciting!
Back at the house I tell Sandy of my experience. She too has had a siting, but not a grouse, a turkey... she thinks. Made a small funny noise, it did. You mean like that, I said. Yes, yes, that’s it! And, looking over the edge of the porch rail we both spot... a grouse. Wow! Three in one day. We’re polluted! Sandy, that’s no turkey, that’s a grouse. Can’t you tell the difference? Actually the next day we did spot a turkey walking near the house, but.......
Now this grouse was determined to be our friend. To say that it hung around, no.... it was like a baby duck, following my every move. Always with a kind of "clucking" noise, sometimes a "whimpering" noise. Made us feel terrible. Poor thing must be hungry. Dinner that night on the back porch. Me, Sandy and... the grouse. Know I shouldn’t have, but, tried feeding it with bits of our dinner. Bread, corn, nothing. Not a peck, not a sniff, nothing. And it looks healthy. It comes close, let’s me get very close. Must have been hatched and raised by people. So tame. But, what does it eat?
Next day. More of the same. Me, a bunch of chores to "tick-off", the grouse, my trusted companion. I plant the basil, the grouse "helped". I dig up a couple of wild ferns for transplant, the grouse "helped" by hopping up onto the fern as I was easing it from the earth. I plant the ferns in the planter by the back porch, the grouse "helped". I nearly dumped pine bark mulch on him/her, it was quite funny actually. I’ll bet the little creature put in half a mile or more following me around that morning. And.... it was getting quite familiar, not at all afraid. I could almost touch it... but... it would tense up, peck at my hand, maybe sorta fly up at me. A couple of times it seemed to run at me. Oh well......
Morning’s chores complete, I’m a mess. Time for a shower. Afterwards, down the stairs and toward the front porch, Sandy’s sitting in the living room, pissed! "Your bird" is outta control! It flew up onto the porch and it flogged me! I tried to fend it off with my magazine, but it just kept coming after me! I came inside and it attacked the screen door!
Wow! What was that about? How Hitchcock!
By now the birds not to be seen. We go out to sit on the porch, Sandy a bit timidly. No bird.
Whew!
In no time I hear something below the porch in the leaves. Yep, the bird. The bird’s walking around the porch, and.... up the stairs.... and onto the porch. Standing there in the middle, it is whimpering. Sandy’s telling me to do something!
Not having my broom, an object I’ve frequently used against obstinate animals, cats, dogs, etc. ....to the amusement of my wife and friends... I do the next best thing, I grab the local phone book. Holding the book in an open position, I much like a matador, shoo the grouse off the porch and down the stairs. All the while the bird’s making that whimpering sound. I don’t feel so sorry for it at the moment. Maybe it’s not a whimper after all?
Well I’m here to tell you, it was none too pleased with me. It adopted the posture and temperament of one of those fighting cocks. Hopping up, flapping it’s wings, lunging at me. For a startled moment the phone book became my shield.
Now wait a minute! Kevin’s not going to put up with this! I gotta show this grouse just who’s the boss!
Yeah right. Me, flapping the phone book at and then into the grouse. The grouse hopping, flapping, lunging and pecking and tearing at the phone book with its claw adorned feet.
Damn obstinate bird!!!
Well, this went on for the better part of ten minutes. My goal, not to injure the bird, but to dominate it, make it submit! Ten minutes pass and the grouse’s obviously tiring, me too! I push it to the ground with the phone book, trying to hold it down, wanting to hear it say "I give". I back off, facing the grouse. It doesn’t advance. Whew!!
That evening out of curiosity, I walk over to the pond, wondering about the other grouses. And... no grouses, nothing! Hummm? I wonder? I wonder if this crazy grouse is the only grouse?
Next morning, the grouse is back. And.... it acts as though it has unfinished business with me.
It comes to the porch steps.
Right!!! Where’s my phone book?
That’s it!! You and me budd!!
Again, me the matador, the grouse the bull. And this time I mean to finish it. I can’t have a grouse chasing Sandy and I every time we go out the door. No siree.
Ten, maybe fifteen minutes, we "spar". The grouse is ferocious. Me more determined than ever. Sandy "don’t hurt it". Again, the bird tires and I try the pin it down strategy. I don’t know why I think this will work, I just do. After two or three "pins", I hold the bird down for maybe twenty seconds beneath the phone book. Removing the book, the bird walks off.
Later, and all through lunch on the back porch..... no grouse.
Later that day, I go down to water the newly planted basil. On the path there, I spot it, the grouse, in full territorial display... tail fanned and collar fully poofed. He was a majestic sight. I just walked on by within a couple of feet of the bird, ignoring it, and it me so it seems. It, no lunging, no flapping or pecking. Me, no counterattacks. The same on my return pass.
Well. I guess this means I’m the biggest meanest cock! Uh... at least to the grouse that is.
Sorry, but for all of this tale, there are no pictures. No camera. Cell phone, decidedly "old school", of no help either. So.... I leave it to your imagination.
