My marido (husband) and I are staying in vibrant Puerto Vallarta on the Pacific
coast of Mexico. We decided to visit a beach on the other side of the bay in a
small town called Bucerias. This of course required a bus ride or should I say -
"The bus ride".
A brief background, which will be relevant in the story later on. In Mexico
they have topes, which are some sort of obstacle on the road, akin to our speed
bumps - intended of course to slow down the traffic. They can be like metal
balls cut in half with the flat side down strewn across the road , a speed hump,
a grande speed bump or ... "the ditch". Unexpectedly to most tourists these can
even exist on the highways when they go thru a small village.
After talking to the desk clerk at the hotel we had the scoop on how to get to
Bucerias via the bus.Catch the local bus to the Wal-Mart where you can catch the
"highway bus", which will take us all the way to Bucerias.
We walked a block or so and as directed and flagged down the local bus. Kevin
described them as Mad Max looking and they definitely looked battle ready as they
tear thru the streets commanding every one's respect - even the cabbies give way
for them. They looked like antique school buses and were painted blue and white
or green and white - just look for the one with "Wal-Mart" painted with white
shoe polish on the windshield.
Vamos! (Let's go). Hop on the bus and try to figure out how many pesos the
driver wants. Simultaneously this amazingly skilled driver takes our money, makes change, issues us a ticket, shifts gears, avoids hitting a tourist, steers around a taxi and looks in the rear view mirror to have a look at the lovely Senorita's legs that boarded the bus in front of us. We are in capable hands.
Down the cobble stone streets we go - they create a low roar as we pick up
speed. It is a teeth jarring, bone rattling ride. Clap, clap, bang, bang as you
hit the uneven and broken-up cobbles. Clapity-clapity! CLAP! CLAP! CLAP! You
can barely hear the person next to you.
We are some of the few but by no means only "gringos" on the bus. Puerto
Vallarta is full of retired ex-pat Americans and Canadians who know how to stretch a buck and the buses are just one of those ways.
Ride, stop, pick up passengers flagging us down or dropping off passengers
whistling for the bus to stop. Some gringos flag us down, the bus stops
and the doors open - they shout out their destination without getting on the
bus. No its not the right bus, "you want green and white bus" the driver
politely shouts at them, closes the door and off we go again. In about 20
minutes we arrive at the bus stop in front of the Wal-Mart. We hop off the bus
and wait for a bus headed for Punta Mita. A bus comes - we don't see that on the
wind shield - one or two more and then a bus that says Punta Mita arrives. Kevin
flags it down, it stops, door opens, Kevin says "Bucerias?" - the driver says
"Si" - we hop on.
Ok - now we are on the "highway bus" and just as Speedy Gonzales would say "andale, andale, arriba, arriba" (Hurry up! Go! Go!). The glass partition behind the driver has Jesus with a crown of thorns painted on it - with the blood dripping down from the crown. The driver keeps the doors standing open, I assume to get some air as we drive down the road at highway speeds. Up to speed - on the side of the rode someone flagging us down - stop pulling over slightly - but after all those behind us can go around. And so the ride goes stop, start, speed up, stop. All the seats are full and we have about 10 standing - you figure we won't stop for more - wrong! Driver pulls over - one gets off and 4 get on. More stops - we finally have at least 18 - 20 standing so the driver closes the door ... just to be safe!
In about 40 minutes we come to Bucerias - since we know nothing about it - Kevin has asked the driver to let us know where to get off in Bucerias for "La Playa" (the beach). At one of the stops the driver looks at us and says "aqui" (here) - so we hop off the bus. We have to cross the road, which is a bit dodgy with the traffic - and then it's a short walk to the beach.
We walk the beach looking for a place to light. We come upon some Palapas, which are thatched umbrellas in front of a hotel. Kevin goes in to the office to see if we can light here. Sure for $12 per person - we have the use of everything: beach side chairs and palapas or poolside lounger and the pool. The pool is huge with a fountain, a platform that loungers can sit on in the pool and a vanishing edge facing the ocean to create the illusion that the pool goes right into the ocean. Not a bad spot - we "takem" up on the day pass. We had lunch at the hotel restaurant, which was on the edge of the beach and incredibly good. Kevin got a chilled soup of honeydew, lime and ginger that he is still raving about. A day of sun and cervesas (beer) or two - but not too many because we still that the bus ride back with no bathroom.
We walk back to the highway. What incredible luck - within 3 minutes a bus with "Puerto Vallarta" on the windshield. Kevin flags it down and we get on. The highway bus on the way here had been calmer and in better shape than the town bus - but this bus was pure Mexican. The driver has a minion - not to take money and make change - no the driver still does all that - the minion was to open and close the door because the door opener / closer is not working.
With the driver's favorite Mariachi music blaring we head on down the highway. Ok but with a stop or two ... or 5 dozen. I have the perfect seat - just behind the driver - I can see the road ahead of us. The driver has a laminated playing card sized picture of Madonna - no doubt "Our lady of Puerto Vallarta" hanging from a knob on the dash. To his right is a wooden box that holds change - to his left a small dirty, cracked, white plastic bucket that he tosses the paper money in.
As I mentioned earlier - these drivers are the best. Remember those topes I mentioned at the start? This driver deftly bombs down the highway and service roads. He has all the potholes memorized and knows which ones he should steer around and which ones are ok to plow right thru. He knows which topes are meant "just to slow down the chicken-shit tourists and those whose vehicles that still have shocks" and those that he actually needs to slow down for. He doesn't miss a beat.
Over the driver's shoulder I see something that looks odd in front of us. Now my distance vision is not what it once was but - can it be? "What's that in front of us standing in the back of that pick-up truck" I ask Kevin. Without flinching he says "looks like a horse or donkey to me". Yep standing in the the bed of a small (Toyota-sized) pick-up truck is a donkey riding down the highway. Aye Yae Yae-Yae! We are approaching a traffic light but the bus moves into a side lane to pick up waving bystanders. We slowly move up beside the truck and I get to look the donkey in the eye. He stands proudly in the pick-up bed - everything is "todo bien" (just fine) as far as he is concerned.
We ride on - seeing sights that look sort of familiar - buildings with signs - but they are 100% Mexican. Oh my gosh, there is a Corona Distribution center - the Negro Modello is my favorite. Speaking of Modello beer - I watch a Modello beer can roll across the bus floor. Ok we are getting close to where we need to get off and catch the town bus. On our left we see Los Plazas de Toros (the bull-fighting ring), the Puerto Vallarta mall and then the Wal-Mart. We get off at the Wal-Mart to catch the town bus. We jump off and are a bit confused as to where to catch the town bus. No worries - right there on the curb is a policeman who flags the bus down for us - how is that for service?
We think we traveled about 60 miles round trip - for a total of $5 - not $5 per person but $5 total. I certainly wouldn't have wanted to do it by car. I was grateful to have access to the bus.
"¡Viva México!" "¡Andale, Arriba, Arriba!" (Hurry up! Go! Go!)
Sandy
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